


I'll Take Your God-Filled Soul

by veil_nebula



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergence, Eventual Smut, M/M, Wings, post s7 finale, season 7, wing!fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-28
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-10-12 03:30:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10481091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veil_nebula/pseuds/veil_nebula
Summary: The two men suddenly come back from Purgatory, but Castiel's condition is cause for worry. And it gets worse as they try to figure out who saved Cas, and why.





	1. Chapter 1

'What the fu–'

Sam didn't have the time to finish his sentence as the tall figure in the doorway stumbled towards him, nearly tripping on his torn jeans. Sam took hold of Ruby's knife, clutching it, ready to attack. The silhouette, unrecognizable in the dim light, lifted its eyes and met Sam's suspicious gaze. He took a step forward, holding out his hand, as if reaching for him.

The hunter's eyes narrowed, he was stepping back, keeping a safe distance between him and the stranger. Sam internally slapped himself for not keeping some holy water in his pockets, in case situations like that happened. He had no idea who – or what – was in front of him and unless he deliberately came closer, therefore put himself in danger, he had no way to know what he was dealing with. He was tempted by just lunging to the guy, but he remembered that once someone had told him to ask questions first. And depending on the answer, perhaps kill afterward.

'Who the hell are you ?' he pressed, his tone as rough and aggressive as he could manage. He heard an inaudible answer from the man.

'What do you want ?' he ordered, doing his best to maintain a few feets between himself and the intruder  
.  
The breathy reply finally found its way to Sam's ears.

'Sammy, please.'

A look of confusion crossed the hunter's face, and he squinted his eyes even more to try and see the face of the man. Their eyes met again, and the emerald green of the guy's irises glimmered in the feeble light of the lamp. Sam dropped his knife.

'Wha – Dean ?'

The other hunter sighed too heavily and cringed in pain, sliding down against the wall. His brother opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't even have time to react as flapping sounds echoed around the room. Sam snapped his head around, and the next instant, a man in a tan trench coat zapped in and fell to his knees. He seemed equally as exhausted as Dean. The man who had been holding a knife, all his senses in alert barely seconds ago, was stuck still, dumbfounded. He was mouthing nonsense, his brows were furrowed deeply, but it only took him a few seconds to come back to his senses. The angel's fallen to the floor, face pressed against the parquet, unmoving. Sam rushed to his brother who was breathing heavily, eyes shut. He dragged him over to an armchair in the center of the motel room.

'Dean ? Dean, tell me what happened,' the man insisted, relief and confusion obvious in his voice. He tapped his hand softly to his brother's cheek, hoping it would wake him.

'Tired,' Dean slurred with in hoarse tone, extending the last syllable. It was obvious he was trying to keep his eyes open, but his eyelids seemed too heavy, and soon his eyes rolled back in his head and his neck tilted to the side. Sam took a moment to take in the fact that his brother, that has been missing for a bit more than a year, was now right there, in front of him, the angel with him. They had vanished with Dick Roman, and Sam was left alone with no clue of where they could've went.

Dozens of bruises were covering the man's body, his eyes were swollen and dark trails of blood were drying on his face. Anxiety soared in Sam's veins, he was wide-eyed, his mind working a hundred mile per hour to figure out what to do.

After making sure his brother was truly here, alive and whole, and that he wasn't just going barking mad, Sam walked over to Castiel, bending over his unconscious body. If it weren't for the unmistakable coat, Sam would probably have had trouble admitting this was an angel. He's covered in dirt and blood, though it seemed to be mainly somebody else's. He only had minor cuts on his hands and face. His position on the floor kind of mirrorred a tortured soul's, his back arched and his fists and teeth clenched. Castiel's lips were parted, the sound of his uneven breathing filling the room. His eyes were only slightly open, showing the white part of his eyes, and his brows were furrowed. The eyeballs were moving behind his closed eyelids, as if the angel was in a deep, dreadful nightmare. The sight sent shivers down Sam's spine.

Sliding his hands under his friend's arms, Sam carried him rather clumsily to his bed and lied the limp body down. The springs bounced and creaked under the angel's weight. As soon as he was on the mattress, Castiel's entire body tensed again and returned to its former position. Exhaling loudly, Sam stood in the room, his eyes darting from Dean, slumped in the armchair, sound asleep (and slightly snoring), to Castiel, shaking, fist tightened around air, jaw tight.

He flopped down in a chair and cradled his head in his hands with a desperate but still somewhat relieved sigh. Hundreds of questions were flooding his mind, and even though he had made sure he was not crazy, he kept glancing at the sleeping forms in his room, hoping they'd not vanish.

Unable to fully calm down and get a restful night's sleep, Sam grabbed a book and sit at the small table, reading under the feeble light of the bedside lamp.

Oh, he really couldn't wait for explanations.

He eventually fell asleep on the table, eyes red and puffy from the lack of sleep.

 

###### 

The loud thumping sound of his blood flowing through his body had never been so irritating. Dean felt like his head was about to explode, his temples were pulsing fiercely. The stinging taste of blood in his mouth made him grimace. His throat felt like sandpaper whenever he tried to swallow. He cracked open an eyelid, his vision was unfocused for a minute and the pain coursing through his chest made it hard for him to concentrate.

Eventually, his gaze fell on Sam, his arms laid across the table, still holding a book in his hands. The sight of his sleeping brother was touching, and Dean thought it's one of those rare moments when his brother seemed peaceful. It did feel like he hadn't seen his only family in an eternity. The corners of his mouth twitched lightly. Dean cleared his throat to call out Sam, but the action sent him through a terrible coughing fit, making the pain in his ribs triple – and efficiently waking his brother up, at least..

The tall man turned his head to face his brother, damn near choking in the armchair. The coughing ceased eventually, and Dean could finally stare back at his sibling...who was smiling.

'Well, don't you look like shit,' Sam chuckled, but the fondness was clear in his voice. His tone was saying I missed you, idiot, and the feeling couldn't be more obvious, even if Sam had wanted it.

The muscles of Dean's face were hurting a little from the beaming, but he really couldn't care less.

Home, Dean thought, his eyes closing again. He breathed in the scent of old sheets and dirt. Oh, motels, how I've missed you.

Dean wanted to throw back a snarky remark, but his last attempt at talking had ended up pretty badly, so instead he mimed a drinking gesture. His brother seemed to understand as he stood up, yawning and stretching, and went to fetch him some water.

After having gulped probably ten gallons of water, Dean sighed heavily and tried speaking again. His voice was raspy and low, but at least a sound's coming out and he smiled.

'Hi.'

Sam, who seemed to have awakened fully, was staring at his brother with prying eyes.

Sammy, please not now.

'So,' the hunter started, 'mind telling me where you've been for the past year and a half ?'

Dean's face became deadly serious. He frowned slightly and pursed his lips. With another deep, loud exhale, the hunter replied.

'Purgatory.’

Waiting for a sequel of some sorts, Sam just continued his staring. After long seconds of silence, it dawned on Sam that his brother was obviously not planning on expatiating.

'Could you, uh, I don't know, develop a tiny bit ? Please ?' he pried. Sam's politeness sounded fake to Dean's ears, which only caused him to snap.

'I went to Purgatory when I stood too close to exploding Dick, spent a year in there, became best buddies with Leviathans, came back, period.'

The moment the words came out, Dean regretted it.

His brother looked confused and upset, a tiny bit hurt by Dean's reaction. Instead of spatting out an answer just as rude and aggressive, Sam took a deep breath.

'Look, Dean. From what I get here, it was far from easy, but help me out here,' he pleaded. 'I'm trying to understand. You – you were gone for a whole year, I had no way to know where you were. I tried, I swear I tried, I read every book about Leviathans and demons and nothing was explaining how you could've disappeared. Don't be like that, I just want to know what happened.'

'I know, I – I'm sorry, Sammy, I just, it...' Dean stuttered. 'It was really tough. We killed Dick and the next thing I know I was in this place, it was night and I heard those noises, monsters, footsteps and I was alone because Cas had...' Dean stopped abruptly in his rambling.

'Where's Cas.' Dean didn't even make it a question, it's a demand, an order, tell me where Cas is, right, freaking, now.

A fond smile spread on the hunter's face. 'He's here, don't worry. He's unconscious, though, I – Dean what are you doing ?' Sam sighed in amused despair at the sight of his brother wriggling in his seat.

'Standing up.'

Sam was now up on his feet next to the chair, looking down on Dean.

'No such luck, so far, huh ?' he chuckled as he extended his hand in front of him. Dean pretended he hadn't heard the comment, grasped his brother's arm, stood up gawkily and managed staying that way with something resembling balance. Sam tilted his head toward the bed, where the angel was lying.

He tried to maneuver himself to his friend, his brother observing him with non-flickering concentration, and failed miserably. Sam suppressed a chuckle, when he was internally really just giggling, and helped Dean up, again.

'I can hear you laughing, Sammy, and it's pretty fucking loud,' Dean grumbled, but he really was just happy that his brother was still a total jerk and had obviously decided not to treat him like a cripple.

With Sam supporting his weight on his shoulder, they went to check on the angel. Castiel was still in the same position, and the sight made Sam sigh heavily. Dean's brows furrowed and he tore his eyes from the ghoulish body.

'What's up with him ?' he asked, worry distinct in his voice.

'I don't know,' the hunter admited with another loud exhale. 'He's been like that since you guys popped up here.'

'What can we do ?' Dean said, although he doubted they had any guide book about angelic seizures, or whatever the hell this was.

'I don't know, I'm far from being educated about celestial beings. I suppose we just have to wait it out.' Dean didn't like this idea in the least. Seeing their friend, his friend this way was bad enough, and knowing they couldn't do anything about it was even more outraging.

Sam was tugging at his shirt, urging him to go sit back down – probably in order to fish some more data about Dean's trip to Purgatory. Dropping his gaze to the floor, Dean indulged and followed his brother. He didn't give him the time to try and ease his questions in the conversation.

'What was I saying ?' he asked, but it's a rhetorical question, and he kept going reluctantly. 'So, I was alone. I survived the night, I don't even know how. There's really not much to tell, Sam, I spent a year slaying vampires, Leviathans, rugarus, all kinds of monster we used to hunt, y'know. At some point I...' Dean hesitated, fidgeting his jacket. Should he tell the truth ?

'I found Cas. Total accident. He was just there and he said he knew a way to get out. A portal, or something. We eventually found it, Leviathans were everywhere. It looked bad, Sammy. Really bad, it didn't feel like we could get out in one piece.' With a quick glance to his brother's bed where the angel laid, Dean added: 'But we did. We did get out and here we are.'

Sam looked confused, his gaze was traveling around the room.

'Wait, how can it be that simple to get out of Purgatory ? That's...Look Dean, I'm really glad you got outta there, but that sounds a little too easy, don't you think ?'

'That's what I thought too, man,' Dean agreed. 'And the first time Cas mentioned that way out, he told me there was no way he could leave, too. He just kept saying that if he came with me, it'd kill him, that it'd be too dangerous.' He frowned even more and stared at his brother right in the eyes. 'I have no idea how he came out, Sam.'

'Maybe he got lucky, but the trip drained him and now he's in this...weird, creepy comatose state,' Sam said with a reassuring smile, gesturing vaguely to the bed. 'Maybe he was afraid, so he told himself he couldn't get out.'

Dean snorted.

'There's no such thing as luck out there. 'Fight or die' is the freaking motto, no in between, no random, no chance involved. Something's off about this.'

'We've been lucky for our entire life, with us it's all about luck. Look Dean, why don't we figure it out later, because right now, I just want to enjoy a good beer and a pizza with my brother.'

The hunter beamed at him, his previous worry suddenly vanishing at the mention of food. The issue was still hanging in the air, but it was pushed aside for the moment. The two men sit – slouched – on the couch and watched football for the major part of the day, Dean devouring his pizzas, plural, and emptying a six-pack in several hours. He glanced every now and then to check on the angel, and sighed when each time, he saw the body hadn't moved an inch.

Eventually, after an entire afternoon of laziness, Dean realized that one of the things missing in Purgatory was hygiene. He was craving for a good shower. He stood up and locked himself in the bathroom. He stripped quickly and stepped into the bathtub, turning the water maximum. With a rather loud groan that he hoped his brother didn't hear, he let the hot stream soothe his sore muscles. His palm was pressing against the ceramic wall and Dean could feel his entire body give in to the warmth and suddenly his legs feelt weak, his nerves finally relaxing after months of constant fear and tension.

The next second, Dean was crying.

It wasn't big sobs that would wrack his body, it wasn't loud wails. It was silent, tears streamed like a torrent down his cheeks, it was simply the evacuation of all that had happened this past year, the exhaustion from fighting some of the most terrible beasts that God's ever created, the relief of having found his brother, the concern for his friend lying unconscious on this bed, the disbelief of surviving it all.

Dean stayed forehead pressed against the shower wall for nearly an hour, doing his best to empty his head and stop the tears from falling. He stepped out of the shower, maybe even more tired than when he got in but somewhat relaxed. He checked the small clock above the mirror. It showed eight p.m.

Wait what ?

A sharp knock on the door startled the hunter. He catched his breath and answered in a raspy voice.

'What ?'

'Uh, just checking you're still alive. You've been in there for, like, three hours.' Sam chuckled a little. 'You okay, man ?'

'Yeah, I'm good,' Dean replied, and he was, he was good. Most of his life was a mess, but he was alive, Cas would be fine, and he was considering the fact that they had gotten out of Purgatory out of sheer luck. After all, he and his brother freaking stopped the Apocalypse.

Chance had to have something to do with it.

'Dean, come on !' a muffled voice said from the main room. 'Only one burger left !'

Dean jumped in his jeans, threw a shirt over his shoulders and hurried to the couch. He slumped heavily on the cushions, took a huge gulp of his beer and leaned his head back with a sigh.

'What's wrong ?' his brother asked absentmindedly, his eyes not leaving the football game running on the screen.

'Nothing,' Dean grinned. 'Everything’s fine,' he added before taking a huge bite of his sandwich.


	2. Chapter 2

The days passed and Dean was slowly regaining strength. The fatigue felt less intense and the hunter was finally sleeping more than 4 hours a day. His ribs were still aching – he assumed several were cracked – but the bruises on his body were beginning to fade, turning a yellowish color. Sam regularly insisted on taking him to an hospital, but the hunter refused bluntly.

 

'I don't need docs, Sam. When Cas wakes up he'll fix me up,' Dean huffed, obstinate.

 

'But what if Cas –' 

 

'No, no listen to me,' Dean interrupted, his tone a bit harsh. 'There's no if's. Cas'll heal me. End of question.'

 

Sam didn't bother answering when his brother left his former place in front of him to grab a beer and sit on the couch, grumbling. He rolled his eyes at the grumpy man turning his back to him in the main room, and his gaze dropped to the angel, unmoving.

 

'You better wake up soon,' he whispered, and it could almost be a prayer.

 

Two weeks after they came back, Dean and Sam started looking for cases. The hunter wanted to get back in the game. They tried to find small demons to exorcise, sometimes they would leave the state to chase vampires, shapeshifters, wendigos. On the first few cases, Dean had to let his brother finish the job, the pain in his chest and his head often too hard to bear. Although his brother was worrying more and more about his state, it got better over the days and Dean was gaining confidence.

 

They never left for more than a week, on Dean's request. Even though he enjoyed the thrill of hunting, his mind kept drifting back to Cas. He felt uncomfortable about leaving the angel alone – this thought sounded stupid to Dean because he shouldn't be worried about leaving one of God's soldiers on his own. But Castiel wasn't a convenient demon-killing gadget, he was their friend, and the hunter disquieted more than he'd like to admit. He tried to keep in mind that it was an angel they were talking about and that there was no chance in hell he could die this way. Dean made it a promise, he wouldn't let Castiel die.

 

###### 

About a month later, as Dean was sitting in the driver's seat of the Impala with his brother next to him, coming back from an exhaustive hunt, Sam decided to confront him.

 

'Uh, Dean ?' he began, hesitant. His brother acknowledged him with a low humming sound.

 

'It's been nearly two months,' he said bluntly, the words coming out of his mouth as if he'd been holding them for ages.

 

'What're you talking about ?' Dean feigned ignorance. He'd been avoiding the subject for a few days, sensing Sam's discomfort around him.

 

'Don't act stupid, you perfectly know what I'm talking about.'

 

'Yes, well what about it ?' the hunter smiled awkwardly, doing his best to hide his rising annoyance.

 

'Look, I'm not saying there's no hope, here,' Sam continued, 'but you should start considering the possibility that...Cas may not...wake up.' He said the last two words very lowly, almost not daring to submit his thoughts to his brother.

 

Dean's fists tightened around the wheel, his knuckles turning white. The corner of his mouth twitched a bit.

 

'Sam, it's not that I'm not considering it, but I don't see why Cas, a freaking angel, would die like tha – '

 

'I am merely suggesting,' Sam interrupted, rising his voice and inhaling deeply, 'that, in case he doesn't come back, we should try to think about a way to get rid of...' He stopped speaking as he realized what just came out of his mouth.

 

'Of his body ?' Dean growled. 'That's what you were gonna say, isn't it ?' The anger boiling in Dean's veins was nearly too hard to contain and the hunter exhaled heavily, jaw tight, and smoke could be coming out of his ears.

 

'You insensitive bastard,' Dean uttered, disbelieving, trying to maintain his eyes on the road. 'Cas has saved us a hundred of times, he saved your freaking life when you were going barking mad after coming back from Hell, even though he knew it'd mean take in all your demons and suffer from it.'

 

Sam shivered at the mention his former stay in the asylum. He quickly shook the feeling away with a shrug.

 

'But we have no idea what to do, Dean !' his brother shouted. 'I would agree with you if we had something to go on, but here ? We got nothing. We don't even know what's wrong with the guy !'

 

'At least we know he's alive ! Damn it, Sam, doesn't that mean anything to you ?'

 

'Hey, I care about Cas as much as you do.' Dean sniggered at that. 'But it doesn't change the problem : what the hell can we do ?'

 

'Look, an angel risked his life for us,' the tone in Dean's voice was softer. Sam sighed heavily. 'Don't you think he deserves more than a month ? We haven't really looked for solutions, Sam, admit it. We saw he wasn't okay and we just went with the fact that we couldn't do anything. Which isn't true !'

 

A long silence ensued.

 

'We owe him that, man.'

 

'You owe me nothing.'

 

###### 

Dean jumped two feet high and let go of the steering wheel, his foot pushing heavily against the brakes. The tires screeched against the tar and the car's passengers were projected forward. Sam flattened his hands in front of him, keeping himself from flying headfirst in the scoreboard, Dean's chest hit the wheel and he groaned loudly, something that sounded like a 'fuck', shutting his eyes. 

 

'Cas, what the hell ?' Sam practically yelled, spinning around to glare at the small figure in the shadow. 

 

The angel's breathing was heavy and uneven as if he'd just come back from a run, and he was frowning, his hands gripping the headrests. Dean had his head pressed against the window, Cas' fingers brushing his ear, and he was still trying to catch his breath. He pulled on his seatbelt and coughed a little to get his brother's attention.

 

'We'll have to do something about those,' he huffed in an high-pitched, choked voice. The ghost of a smile crossed Sam's face and he nodded slightly before he turned his attention back to Castiel.

 

'I apologize if I startled you,' the angel said, recovering from whatever had rendered him breathless.

 

'Yeah thanks,' Dean responded sarcastically, inhaling deeply. He shifted in his seat and turned around, mirroring his brother's position and stared at the angel. He'd almost died from the jumpscare, and he was considering admonishing his friend like he always did, but the indescribable relief was taking over his mind. 'What's up with you ?' he inquired when he saw the man panting.

 

'I am not at full power. Flying to you was...grueling,' the angel replied, lowering his gaze to stare at his knees.

 

'Then why didn't you wait for us ?'

 

'The note said I had to come immediately,' the angel answered, confused. 

 

The two brothers looked at each other with wide eyes, shrugging. Obviously, they were both bemused that Cas had made it. Neither of them had been optimistic as far as their friend was concerned, even though Dean had refused to admit it. They shifted in their seats, the hunter started the engine and headed back to the motel. The ride was quiet, tons of questions were floating in the Winchesters' minds but none of them were spoken out loud. 

 

'You're thinking very loudly,' Castiel said eventually, breaking the silence. 'Why don't you ask your questions ?'

 

'It's kinda hard focusing on only one thing, here,' Dean replied, smiling.

 

'We don't even know where to start,' his brother added as the hunter pulled up in the motel parking lot.

 

They climbed out of the car awkwardly and Dean turned around to observe his car.

 

'I hope your brakes are okay,' he said, low enough for only himself to hear. Seeing that the angel hadn't come out yet, he  
poked his head through the opened window of the driver's seat and called for his friend.

 

'I'm here,' a low voice vibrated right behind him.

 

The hunter leaped again, nearly hitting his head as he clumsily backed away from the car.

 

'God damnit ! Told you not to do that !' Dean rebuked, holding his still aching chest. 'Not twenty minutes ago you weren't at full power, jeez !'

 

As Dean spun around on his heels to join his brother, standing a few feet away, chuckling, the angel frowned and tilted his head to the side, observing the hunter walking gawkily in front of him. He leisurely caught up with him and stood in his way, piercing blue eyes meeting the puzzled, emerald gaze of his friend. Castiel pressed his palm against his chest, his other hand flat on Dean's shoulder to steady himself. Tingling shivers ran down the man's spine when the angel's skin squeezed his hand-shaped scar, hidden underneath his leather jacket. A bright light emanated from Castiel's hand and a loud cracking sound echoed in the lot, followed by Dean's pained groan. The man looked up and murmured a thank you, but the trench-coated figure was already striding towards the motel room with Sam.

 

Castiel left the brothers for a moment when he realized he hasn't cleaned himself up yet. His beard was becoming more than messy and itchy and his yore beige coat was now a dark shade of gray with large patches of dry blood. He locked himself up in the bathroom. A few minutes later, the angel came out, the celestial magic having done its work. 

 

'Better ?' he said with a smile.

 

Sam casually acquiesced and Dean lifted his eyes. His lips parted slightly, and he sat up. A tightening feeling made him press his palm to his lower stomach. He smiled awkwardly and breathed out a 'yeah'.

 

What the hell was that ?

 

The three of them sat around the circular table, the two brothers staring down at their coffee trying to choose the right question to start with. Eventually, Sam spoke up.

 

'So, tell me one thing. How did you get out ? Dean just gave me a pretty vague version.' He stared at Castiel expectantly.

 

The angel seemed relieved that the uncomfortable silence was finally broken.

 

'Well, we were somehow sent to this pit when we silenced Dick Roman. We got separated at some point. Dean found me eventually and he was accompanied by –' Deans cut his sentence by coughing loudly. He mumbled a sorry and he prayed for Cas to stop talking and look at him.

 

The angel appeared perplexed when he met the hunter's intense glare. He thought he could see an infinitesimal shake of his friend's head. Castiel's eyes traveled between the two siblings. 'I...knew about the portal,' he said, frowning. 'We walked across Purgatory, and eventually we found the gate. Frankly, I didn't think I would survive.' He stopped for a second, his accusing stare turning towards Dean.

 

'I suppose I was...fortunate.'

 

Sam smirked, completely oblivious as to what Castiel had just done, and nodded towards his brother with wide eyes, mouthing 'I told you so'. The man just rolled his eyes, but within he was letting out a long and loud relieved sigh. Cas had accepted to lie for him. He'd have to thank him later.

 

Dean decided to change the subject, and summed up the past weeks in a few sentences. He quickly explained the angel's former state, and asked if he recalled dreaming about anything. Castiel shook his head in reply.

 

'That's strange. You blacked out for like, a month and it really didn't look like you were in a peaceful sleep,' Dean commented, brows furrowing.

 

'I don't know. Perhaps my celestial powers were wholly drained when I crossed the gate from Purgatory, so I was simply unconscious.'

 

'That's what I thought, too,' Sam agreed. With that, he stood and grabbed his jacket to pick up some food from the store he saw a few miles down the road. Dean and Cas were left alone, still sitting at the table. The hunter picked this moment to talk to the angel, while his brother was away.

 

'Thank you, by the way,' he started, but he was cut off as he opened his mouth to add something.

 

'I dislike lying, Dean. Tell your brother about the vampire.' It was an order, and the low tone the angel used sent shivers down the hunter's spine. He shrugged the feeling away. 

 

'I can't, okay ? After what I did to Amy, he has no reason to let Benny live.'

 

'Perhaps because leaving your friend alive isn't the right thing to do,' Castiel bluntly replied and Dean cringed, tensing.

 

'Benny helped us, Cas. Know anything about gratitude ?' he half spit, defensive.

 

'He was sent to Purgatory for a reason, and he should have stayed there, just like m–'

 

'He's the one who got us out of Purgatory !' the hunter suddenly exclaimed, dropping his fist on the table with a loud sound, a brutal fit of wrath taking over his brain. 'Look, I’ll tell Sam someday, alright ? Just not right now.' Dean stood up, rattling his chair and ending the conversation. As he passed next to the angel, he halted and exhaled. He laid his hand on his shoulder.

 

'I'm sorry. It's good to have you back,' the hunter said, only loud enough for the angel to discern his words. He turned his head as if trying to see Dean out the corner of his eyes. His light stubble brushed against the man's knuckles, and the hunter wanted to slip his hand away but a forceful grip wrapped around his wrist and stopped him. 

 

'I shouldn't have escaped, Dean.' 

 

'What do you mean ?' the man asked, confused.

 

'I should have stayed. To pay my debts,' the reply was harsh, sincere, and the hunter sat back down almost automatically.

 

'Don't think for one second you belonged in Purgatory. You don't owe anything to anyone.'

 

There was a pause, where neither of them spoke. Eventually, the angel tilted his head and parted his lips. 

'When I was...bad, I caused a lot of suffering on Earth.' He paused for a second. 'But I devastated Heaven, I vaporized thousands of my own kind and I do– I, I can't continue my life here knowing what Heaven's become, what I... what I made of it.' Castiel stopped talking, holding his gaze upon the bright green eyes. 'I deserved to stay in Purgatory, Dean.'

 

Dean's eyes widened infinitesimally and he leaned back in his chair, his lips parted and brows arched. Suddenly, his posture changed, he bent over the table, resting on his elbows, and his face switched to deadly serious, his dark gaze diving into the deep blue irises. 

 

'You made mistakes. You thought you were doing the right thing, right ? Cas, you're not a bad person.'

 

Castiel dropped his eyes to his hands flattened over his kneecaps. 

 

'I would have to disagree with that,' he nearly whispered, his voice low and rough. 

 

Just as Dean was about to object, Sam entered, cutting the conversation short. The angel stood up to help, smiling casually and effectively keeping Dean from tackling the topic again. 

 

After a quick meal, they searched for a bigger case now that Castiel was back on his feet. Sam found some murders in Illinois, strange enough to be considered as a work. The trio hit the road at the early hours of dawn He kept glancing in the rear-view mirror, usually to find out the angel had already been staring. Castiel glanced away every time, occupying his hands in a very human way to avoid any conversation. They eventually stopped in front of a cafe, prying for more information on the case. And man, was it good for them to get back in the game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just added this one today to give you some more content to go with~~


	3. Chapter 3

The sharp nails of the vampire wrapped around Dean's arm and dug in his exposed flesh, drawing blood. The hunter pulled away, the claws ripping his skin, just in time before the wild beast implanted its fangs in his pulse point. The monster hissed, its pupils blown by the smell of the already drying blood smearing down the man's arm. Dean quickly covered his wound, foolishly hoping it would keep the hypnotizing smell of the red liquid from reaching the vampire's nostrils. The monster lunged at his prey again, but this time Dean didn't dodge fast enough and found himself being held fiercely, unable to move. His breathing was ragged and his heart was a hammer punching through his chest.

‘Down!' he heard a low voice yell, and he instinctively dipped his head down as his brother sliced the vampire's head apart from the body. The dark eyes rolled back and the corpse fell to its knees, gradually soaking in its own blood.

Dean sighed heavily and squatted, catching his breath. Sam tapped a hand on his shoulder, a comforting gesture that had the hunter smiling slightly. The siblings dragged the body in the near empty field and burnt the cadaver. Castiel appeared with flapping sounds, standing next to Dean. He immediately noticed the still bleeding injury and wrapped his hand around it, making the man simultaneously jump and flinch. In a second he was healed and whispered a thank you, that was probably covered by the sound of the crackling fire consuming the monster and the small patch of grass that surrounded it. The hunter dared a glance towards the angel only to be trapped in the sea of blue shades that somehow managed to be bright as in the daylight. Castiel's eyes flickered away as quickly as his vessel could manage, and his friend mirrored his movements. Dean cleared his throat.

'We should probably go,' he advocated as he returned to observing the flames.

His brother acquiesced and the two of them strode to the Impala, Castiel on their heels. The angel had lost the habit of vanishing,: his grace had been drained since he'd woken up from his coma and flying rendered him frazzled. Instead, he chose to sit in the backseat of the car and occasionally inflicted his remarks on the siblings. They often ignored it, or sometimes answered sarcastically, leaving the angel puzzled.

Dean parked his car in the lot in a swift move in front of the shady 'Bloomington Motel'. Light bulbs and letters were missing from the neon sign, which only helped to make the place more macabre. The streetlights were flickering, but it was more a sign of the decrepitude of the place than of spirit activity. The paint on the walls and doors was slowly coming off, falling in small patches of dust on the floor. The hunters all grimaced at the sight. Sam had come across this case while reading the newspapers' 'current affairs' and had read about various inexplicable murders. It had turned out a vampire nest was slowly taking place in a small town of the outskirts of Pontiac, Illinois – a place Dean knew all too well. He had been reluctant at first but his brother's insistence and the somewhat encouraging look of the angel had eventually convinced him. The trio had left in a hurry, on Dean's demand. Blood was spilled, heads got off bodies and an isolated warehouse was burnt down. Dean was the only one who was hurt in the fight – even with the angel's help, he was still clutching his arm and flinching at some times. The trip to Purgatory had worn him out so much he felt feeble after the smallest injury. Yet they had won that battle and had driven off, massively exhausted but victorious, and had crashed in the nearest motel they could find.

As Dean was lying face down on the hard mattress, he felt a dip on the bed. He stirred and, as discreetly as he could, cracked an eye open only to find the angel sitting there, his back turned to him. He kept shifting, rolling his shoulder blades as if he was trying to get rid of an uncomfortable feeling. The hunter frowned ever so slightly, still dazed from the recent and unwanted awakening. He worked his mind for a few seconds until he decided to opt for the simple, two-word question that was 'you okay', but his friend beat him, cutting his query short.

'That escape shouldn’t have happened,’ the angel said with another unsteady move of his back.

Dean sighed. They’d already been over this and that’s exactly what he told his friend. ‘It isn’t about the guilt, although I maintain that I sho –‘ He cut his sentence short when Dean stared disapprovingly. ‘I couldn’t merely be fortunate.’ The hunter was leaning on his elbow, his silhouette was barely discernible in the dim light of the night. His legs were half covered by the trenchcoat and were pressed against the small of his friend’s back. He let his head fall back, exposing his neck fully. Through his half-lidded eyes, he caught the angel staring, but he didn’t move. For once, feeling those blue eyes on him didn’t bother him in the least. It was probably the fatigue that annulled the awkwardness, he thought. After a long pause, he spoke up.

‘Why not?’

'The beasts of Purgatory had captured an angel. Do you really think they would have let me go this easily?’

'The mere fact that you, a celestial being, were sent there is just as impossible,' Dean answered. 'You really shouldn't worry about that, because maybe it was luck. After all, it's not like you came back here in perfect shape, right?' Castiel said nothing.

'Because then we would have to worry.'

'But isn't it strange that I was unconscious for such a long period of time?’ he wriggled.

‘You were whacked!’ The tone of his voice heightened to another level of whispering. ‘I admit the state you were in was all kinds of freaky but your mojo was just dead, out of order or whatever.’

The angel didn’t look convinced. ‘Listen, Dean. I know it wasn’t just exhaustion that kept me unconscious.’ The man hummed questioningly.

‘I am starting to remember.’ A shift of his back. ‘I think I know who dragged me out.’

The hunter sat up hurriedly, glancing at his brother’s bed. ‘What?’ As the angel stirred again, Dean flattened his hands on both of his friend’s arms. ‘Stop the wriggling for a sec, will ya? What’s up with you?’ he inquired.

‘I have a strange sensation in my back’, Castiel replied. ‘It is extremely unpleasant.’ Dean did his best not to roll his eyes.

‘It’s probably just cramps, dude. Please stop, it makes me all…cranky.’ He gazed into the hunter’s eyes for a little too long until he sighed and tilted his head to the side.

‘Anyway, I sort of missed the point,’ Dean concluded. ‘You…you remember?’

He acquiesced. ‘It doesn’t seem to make any sense, though. I don’t understand.’ Dean held his index finger on the angel’s chapped lips, asking for silence. He suggested they wait until the morning to talk about this with Sam. They agreed and Castiel let Dean lie down again as he stood up, fully aware of the fact that the hunter wasn’t going to sleep any more that night.

 

***

 

The alarm went off early in the morning and startled the two brothers, efficiently making them groan and get up. Sam slammed his hand on the clock.

‘I hate mornings,’ he mumbled.

‘Who doesn’t, really?’ His eyes quickly darted through the room. ‘Where’s Cas?’ Sam shrugged in reply and called his name. They both waited in silence, their eyes staring in the emptiness. Dean pronounced the angel’s name and the next instant, feathery sounds echoed in the small room, Castiel appearing shortly afterwards.

‘Why is it that Dean gets the direct line to you and I don’t?!’ Sam questioned in amused disbelief.

‘I told you we –’

‘You share a profound bond, I know,’ he finished the sentence for him, chuckling and smirking at his brother who was shrinking on his bed, trying to hide a growing embarrassment. God, stop it, he scolded himself, you’re not a teenage girl.

In order to drag the attention away from him, Dean cleared his throat. ‘Cas, tell him what you told me last night.’ His brother looked between the angel and him.

‘I am beginning to remember something. Someone.'

'Wait, like, in Purgatory ?' Sam asked.

Castiel shook his head. 'No, it is more of a...feeling, she wasn't corporeal, I would say,' he explained hesitantly. 'Her name was Naomi.’

‘Who’s that?’ Dean blurted out.

Castiel sent him a confused look, and the hunter wanted to hide at the stupidity of his question. ‘As I am sure you’re aware, Dean, if I knew, you would know, too.’ Sam could barely hold the roll of his eyes, and shook his head mockingly. 

‘It helps my theory that I wasn’t simply lucky.’

‘You’re positive it wasn’t just a dream?’ Dean asked.

‘Yes,’ Castiel replied calmly, ‘it was way too vivid. Or if she was an angel, she could have comunicated through a dream, but it definitely was not a simple hallucination of my vessel's brain. It is still quite blurry, I can’t recall what she told me –‘ He cuts his sentence short to palm his shoulder blades through his coat, frowning and shifting for the hundredth time. ‘—but I believe she was speaking about work,’ he continued casually, ‘or some sort of mission. It was the type of speech I did to you, Dean, when we met.’

Dean must have looked a tad too doubtful and incredulous, because Castiel looked offended when his eyes fell on him. His lips were set in a thin line – but all Dean noticed was the disapproving posture of his friend’s body, jaw tight and shoulders tense. 'What ?' he exclaimed, lifting his hands in an innocent gesture. Yet the angel's scowl didn't falter, and the hunter couldn't help the flush that spread to his cheeks.

'Drop the freaking death stare, will you?’ he mumbled eventually, whistling a ‘jeez’ before standing up and walking to the bathroom. Castiel dropped his eyes to the floor, brows furrowed, and after shaking his back once again, he fled, leaving Sam on his chair, absolutely confused.

Dean leaned against the wall and slid to squat. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed heavily. He couldn't understand why his friend had reacted this way, just because he didn't believe what he said like Sam did. The trust Dean had in Castiel wasn't the issue, most of the time he would blindly accept whatever was told to him from those angel lips. Only, the veracity of his assumption could be questioned, after all, plenty of things indicated it was a dream, right?... Nevertheless, Castiel’s reaction was clearly exaggerated, and it had definitely annoyed him. Maybe his reaction was disproportionate too.

When Dean gave it thought, though, he had to admit Castiel had been overly odd since he had woken up. His mood switched easily – like it just had – and even if the vanishing decreased, when it did happen it seemed to be for no apparent reason; it would happen right after a hunt, sometimes during, or Dean would bump into him and whoosh the angel would disappear. Something was off.

The man walked out of the bathroom after a few but long minutes, Sam was sipping a beer on a couch with the TV on. Dean scanned the room and shot a questioning look, his brother shrugged. Cas hadn't come back yet. He grabbed a drink from the fridge and slumped in the armchair. He glanced at the clock. It wasn't even nine in the morning. Dean settled in for a long day of nothing. He couldn't help but tap his foot on the floor, out of boredom or anxiety about his upset friend, he didn't know. He earned annoyed glares from his brother, but he couldn’t tell whether it was because of his nervous twitch or because of the Cas case.

Sam glanced back at the screen and at his brother again. ‘Look, I don’t know what you did to Cas but you gotta sort this out,’ he said, determined but still soft.

Alright, Cas’ case it was, then.

‘What do you mean what I did to him?’ he wondered. ‘He’s been weird, but I haven’t got anything to do with it.’

‘Oh please,’ Sam mocked lightly, ‘he’s perfectly normal around me.’ Dean was about to intervene when he justified his words. ‘I’m not saying you’re doing anything on purpose. Maybe you’re just thinking and he doesn’t like what he’s hearing,’ he suggested. ‘I agree that what happened a minute ago was kind of uncalled for – and I’m talking about the way he was stabbing you with his eyes but also about your reaction, which was pretty aggressive – but you gotta talk to him. Figure it out. Because at some point it’ll just start to get worse and then we’re gonna loose the guy.’

‘Bit dramatic, aren’t you?’ Dean smiled, but quickly narrowed his eyes. ‘Wait, why’s it got to be me?’

‘Well, I told you, he’s normal around me. I know I could try and talk to him but you know…’ Sam paused for a small instant, smirking. ‘…you share a profou–’

‘Oh, screw you,’ Dean cut in, yet chuckling as he stood up.

‘Jerk.’

‘Bitch.’ He strode to the door and walked until he was far enough from the motel, in the small woods across the road. He sighed heavily and called Cas' name. He waited a few minutes, but as he was about to speak again, his phone rang in his pocket. Startled, he got hold of it and frowned at the 'blocked' number. He picked it up and waited for someone to speak.

'Dean ?' a gruff voice asked from the other end.

The hunter's eyes widened and he looked around even though there wasn't any reason for someone to lurk behind the trees in daylight.

'Benny, man. Why're you calling, I thought we agre—'

'I know, but I—man, I fucked up, alright ? I need your help,' he said lowly.

Dean shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'I know you already did a lot but I need one last favor,' Benny spoke again. 'Please.' It sounded as if it was unusual for the vampire to ask for help, to plead. Dean hesitated for a second, but quickly made his decision. He mumbled a fuck and asked for further explanation.

'I was chasing a vamp, from my old nest. I knew he could lead me to my Marker... I caught up with the jerk but he refused to tell me where to find him, so yeah, I threatened.' Dean heard a grumble from the other end. 'He had two little pals with him, I killed the three of'em but Dean, I'm kinda bleeding all over, here.'

‘Fuck, Ben. Where are you?’ Dean inquired, already wondering how he would justify to his brother.

‘Eagle Harbor, Washington.’

‘Crap,’ he mumbled. ‘I’m in Illinois, it’ll take me more than a day to get there. And that’s if I don’t stop.’ The vampire sighed heavily. Dean’s mind was racing, trying to find a solution. ‘What if I managed to get you some blood?’ He winced as he spoke the words, not quite believing what he was doing. ‘I could send it to you, it’s the best option if I don’t want my brother to find out.’

Benny hummed as he considered the idea. ‘Better plan. I can find some blood myself…at least I can try. Enough to get in better shape, but Dean. I can't quit, I need to find my Marker.’

Dean nervously checked around him once again. ‘So what do you need me for ?' he inquired reluctantly, because he knew what was going to be asked of him. He heard a sigh on the other end.

'I know I can't take him down alone. There'll be too many, too strong. I need a hand.'

The hunter considered it. He eventually nodded in approval, as if his friend could see him. 'Alright. Alright, I'll help. How long will it take you to, you know,’ he paused, 'get in better shape ?'

‘I’ll have to sneak into a hospital. I’d say a couple of hours would do it, and I’m no doubt exaggerating.’

After Dean estimated the time it would take him to drive to Washington, not without grimacing, they agreed to both leave as soon as they could. It took the man long seconds to remember the reason why he’d come out here in the first place, but as soon as he did, he cursed and yelled the angel’s name, once, twice. There was no answer, so he called again, this time unconsciously sounding more like he was pleading.  
After a while, the trenchcoated figure appeared, though the angel seemed to keep far too important a distance between them. The heavy silence that settled made Dean drop his eyes to the ground, yet he still didn't know what he'd done wrong. He uttered the first words.

'Look, Cas.' He was tempted to ask the question, but instead twisted it another way. 'Whatever it is I did to you, I'm sorry.' Not exactly the best way to phrase it.

Castiel kept his fierce blue gaze on Dean, who held the stare until his eyes flickered away. When the man took a step forward, the angel took a step back.

'What exactly did I do to make you so friggin' uptight ?' he pried, annoyed but regretting it instantly when he thought he saw a glimpse of hurt on his friend's face.

'You're acting strange.' Dean was startled by the directness of this statement, and it felt more personal than the usual conversations they shared. He was actually hurt, the hunter realized. 'The night I told you I remembered, you trusted me, and when I give my explanation to Sam, and to you, you—'

'I what ?! I was wrong to doubt when your justification was a dream ?'

'Yes !' The usually calm and steady tone of the angel trembled, his low voice rose. 'What was it you expected ? Did you think I would hand you a written proof ? After all that we have been through, you can't have faith in me when I claim it was a memory ?'

Dean sighed as he listened to Castiel's voice echo in the woods. A bird took off, shuffling a branch in the process. 'You – you're right, I'm sorry,' he almost lisped, after a moment of silence, during which all that could be heard was the soothing sound of leaves shaking in the midsummer and the distant roar of a car engine. 'Then when would this memory have happened, if not in Purgatory?' he said, voice calmer, pacifying.

The angel seemed to accept the truce. 'I suppose it was what caused my comatose state.' Before Dean could ask any question, he added, 'I have no idea how this...Naomi did it but it definitely is the only explanation.'

‘Well,’ Dean wondered out loud, ‘do you know what she looks like ?’

'Yes,' he simply uttered, cautiously walking towards Dean. He laid his fingers on his friend's forehead and they both closed their eyes as Castiel transferred the woman's face into his memories. The man stumbled and looked at the angel, confused. 'It was quicker than describing,' he justified. 'Just think of her name.'

Dean did, and he pictured a red-head, tall and slender, dressed in a gray suit. 'Do you know what's that room she's standing in ? Could lead us somewhere.'

The remark made Castiel chuckle. 'It seems to be an office of Heaven. As I have told you, though, there are as many heavens as there are and has been humans. She could be in any of those, and have created this room, this illusion to mislead us.'

'Right. So no help there.' Dean offered a faint smile, which was surprisingly returned even wider. 'At least not until we find out why she pulled you out, if it is her. Alright, come on,' he exclaimed, 'let's go back inside.' As they walked, Dean worried his lip between his teeth. He had managed to get Castiel back, yet he still didn't know the reason of his strange behavior. Thing is, he told Benny he'd help him, today. He needed to find a reason to leave, as reluctant as he was about it, and he needed Cas to buy it. Usually it didn't bother him to lie, but after all those months, he still didn't feel comfortable on hunts, he woke up in cold sweat in the night, and even if he told none of this to his brother and friend, he was fully aware he would explode if he didn't have them. In this case, just thinking about lying made his breath short and the guilt build in the pit of his stomach. 

But he'd promised. He had to think fast. He'd just take a shower, pack his bag and get on the road, saying he had a friend to help, which technically wasn't a lie. Dean would deal with Cas later.

The two of them entered in the motel room. Dean dropped his coat on a chair and with a small, unsure smile he mumbled a few words and got to the shower. In the main room, Sam was walked through the same small explanation as Dean. 'I guess we'll have to hit the library, or internet, maybe we can find a spell to get her to come to us,' Sam suggested. As he stood to grab his computer, Dean's phone rang in his coat. Curious, the man fetched it. He didn't know that number. Perhaps it was one of Dean's one-night-stands longing for some? It wasn't in the contacts, so that was a valid assumption. The phone stopped buzzing, and mere seconds later it vibrated again, signaling a new vocal message was received. Sam glanced at Cas, who shrugged, and then proceeded to cough and twist his arms in impossible ways to try and massage his shoulders. Getting back to the phone, the hunter listened to the voicemail, in case it was something important, and praying not to hear some sensual female voice moaning Dean's name. He shivered in anticipated disgust. 

He listened to it, carefully, all of it, and then put the phone down, his face expressing both confusion and hurt. Castiel was still fidgeting, the TV was still on. The sound of running water faded, and mere minutes after, Dean strode out of the shower. 

'Hey, Sammy,' he began, avoiding his brother's eyes and focusing intensely on packing. Cas finally stood still, sank his mind deep into Dean's thoughts, then looked down and vanished. The hunters barely registered. 'Look, I, uh, I need to take care of some stuff. Nothing important, though, no need to worry, Sammy, just a small job –' 

'A job? Come on, Dean,' Sam emphasized the name voluntarily, 'we're brothers. I'll go with you.'

Dammit ! Dean squinted his eyes. That was the only word he needed to avoid, and he'd used it. 'Nah, man, don't worry. Told you, nothing important. Just an friend who needs some advice.' God, he hoped that would do it.

'Can't you just call that friend?' he innocently suggested.

'Uh, he needs...physical...advice. Needs me there. That's what you get for having friends eh?' the hunter huffed a tense laugh, while cautiously taking clothes and weapons and food and placing them in his duffle bag, to occupy his hands. 

'And what friend are we exactly talking about?' Sam narrowed his eyes, still leaned against the kitchen table, waiting for his brother to come clean. 'Benny?' he simply spoke, voice rising. That caught Dean's attention. His whole body froze. No lie, no sound would come out of his mouth, and even if it could, his mind was far from imaginative in this moment. He resumed to packing, even if he already had all he needed. How did Sam know about Benny?

'Your phone rang. I didn't pick up but I'm pretty sure I heard the message right.' Seeing as his brother didn't speak or even look up, he continued. 'Tell me, Dean, when were you gonna tell me you had a vampire friend, mh? I thought we said no more lies; what, did I get this part wrong?' The lack of change in his sibling's behavior made him step forward and grab his arm. He yanked him, a little too violently, away from the bag of weapons. 

'What the hell?!' Dean exclaimed, dropping the blade he had in his hand. 

'Fucking explain it to me ! You're gonna help him find his Marker?' Sam queried. 'He's a vampire, you can't help the guy ! Your job is to kill him. Because we're hunters. It's what we do.'

'I'm not gonna kill Benny, and neither are you!' Dean growled. 

'Right, I'm gonna spare him, like you did with Amy?' the other snorted in disbelief.

'Amy had killed a dude!' 

'Oh, because you're willing to swear that your Benny is a saint?' Sam's menacing posture caused Dean to widen his stance defensively. He didn't reply. 

'You had one reason to go after Amy, and you used it against every other reason I gave you not to. Tell me Dean, why wouldn't I do the same?'

The hunter didn't hesitate for even a second: 'You won't do it, because I owe him,' he stated, 'and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the guy,' he added aggressively when he saw his brother breathe in to object.

Sam lifted his arms and shoulders and felt his face distort with anger. 'How?' 

'He's the one who showed Cas and I the way out of Purgatory. I met him there, and he saved our asses a good couple of times.'

'Why the hell would he do that?' Sam looked even more lost, the anger previously flaring now fading into incomprehension.

Dean sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair. He inhaled deeply, then walked his brother through how the explanation of how he got out, why Benny helped them. Sam listened carefully, wincing when Dean gestured to his arm and told him how the vampire had gotten out. The frown on his face came back when his brother finished his story-telling.

'Alright, you might have found the exit thanks to his help,' Dean's eyes lit up at that sentence, 'but he needed you to cross that portal, too. You already payed your debt or whatever it is you think you owe him.'

'Sam, come on.'

'I am coming on ! I'm sorry but – no, in fact I'm not – I can't let you go. I might not go after him, although you know damn well I should and why, but I'm not gonna condone you leaving to help a vamp, even if it is to kill other vamps. And you know what, Dean ? He's gonna start dropping bodies, if it's not already the case, and when he does, I won't hesitate.'

'So what's your plan, you're gonna babysit me?' Dean mocked with a tight-lipped smile, 

'If that's what it takes, but I sincerely hope you're more mature than that.'

'I have to go, Sam,' he asserted once again

'Don't. Please, Dean, don't do something you're gonna regret,' Sam advised, placing his hand on his brother's shoulder.

The man stayed silent for a long while, his eyes fixed on the ground. 'I'm sorry,' he sighed, feeling guilt in the pit of his stomach. He was apologizing, because he had to go and he was going to. Except Sam understood it in a completely different way. He saw it as a surrender when it was actually a last act of rebellion, closing the conversation. The man patted his sibling's back with an almost tender smile that said 'it's for the better', and Dean couldn't bring himself to speak up and take out of the shadows the obvious misunderstanding. Instead, he twisted his mouth and hoped to god that this feeling in his guts wouldn't eat him alive.


	4. Chapter 4

Eyes darting to his watch. Foot tapping nervously on the dirty carpet. It wasn't a particularly hot day, yet the air Dean breathed felt sultry, oppressive. It was almost midday, and Dean was waiting for an opportunity to sneak out. He knew he could provoke it, he felt his whole body on edge, itching to act, but some part of his mind was keeping him sat on his couch. Many times his lips had parted to speak, yet he couldn't bring himself to produce any sound. And so he prayed that Sam would be the one to hand him that chance. He scratched his sweaty forehead. Why was he feeling so awful ? It wasn't the first time he lied. Perhaps that was the reason. Sam closed his computer loudly, causing Dean to jump and pretend to focus on reading the summoning book he was reading. 

'Can't find anything on internet. Anything on your side?' Sam looked at him. It seemed to Dean he had forgotten the fight they'd had earlier, or at least had decided to pretend it hadn't happened, which only managed to amplify the empty feeling in the man's chest. He knew if he tried to speak, his voice would be off. He only shook his head.

'Right. I'm hungry, gonna go grab some food at the market,' the other informed absent-mindedly. 

Dean seized the occasion.

'I'll do it!' he exclaimed in a slightly acute voice. 'You're gonna forget the pie, anyway,' the man tried to justify with a casual laugh, when his heart was beating its way out of his chest. He stared at his brother expectantly, and received a curt, weird nod. Grabbing his jacket from the armchair, he walked out the room and climbed in his car. When he started his engine, he realized he'd left his duffel bag in the motel, with all his weapons. Dean shut his eyes and let out a trembling sigh. If he went back now, it wouldn't be discreet whatsoever and his brother would figure it out. He could go grab it and run for it, but he honestly wasn't sure his knees wouldn't turn to jelly on the way. Resigned, he drove out of the parking lot and went on the road. He'd find a solution once in Eagle Harbor.

In the motel room, it was almost one in the afternoon when Sam tried to phone his brother. Pacing in the kitchen, cell to his ear, frowning, he spun around when he heard Castiel appearing. He tilted his head in confusion as he realized he hadn't noticed his friend leaving earlier. 

'Hey, seen Dean? He went out to do the groceries but it's been an hour. How long can it be to buy sandwiches?' he asked rhetorically, his voice almost aggressive. 

Cas looked around; his features remained indifferent, no emotion passed through the mask. Not even his surprise when his eyes fell on the worn khaki bag laying on the bed. It took the angel only a couple of seconds to figure out Dean's actions and plans. Sam was oblivious to his friend's agitation and hesitation before he spoke.

'I'll look for him,' he stated. 'He mustn't be too...far,' he added, pausing in his sentence to furrow his brows in discomfort. The cramps in his back were definitely not improving. He tried to ignore the nagging pain, light but constant, and looked wide-eyed at the hunter. 'Don't worry, Sam, he's not in trouble,' yet.

'I know he's not, only I'm afraid he did something stupid.'

When Castiel didn't answer, Sam punched Dean's number and tried calling again. The hurt in his eyes almost made the angel feel guilty.

* * *

Singing along to Black Sabbath, Dean was slowly calming his nerves. He'd left his phone in the backseat of his car and tried his best to ignore the buzzing. It had only been an hour, and he had about a day of driving ahead of him, so he blinked hard and pushed the unease out of his body. Anything helped. He focused on the feel of the leather wheel under his fingers, on each turn and each bump, on his breathing, uneven but light, on his own rough voice matching that of the song. He was about to stop by a drivethrough to actually buy something to eat when he glanced in the rearview mirror and caught a glimpse of his duffel bag. He frowned, and looked to his right. He inhaled harshly, taken aback. 

Eyes back on the road, Dean smiled nervously. 'Thanks for the bag, Cas.'

'I wasn't sure how you would take down a nest without weapons, I believed you might need it.' There was fondness in the low, vibrant voice of Castiel; very slight, but the hunter caught it. A peaceful silence settled between them, the rough roar of the tires on the road filling the air, along with the hum of the radio. After a couple of minutes, Castiel fidgeted. 'I'm going to head back,' he said hesitantly.

Dean realized how rare it was for Castiel to inform before he left. Usually, he would make a cryptic statement and disappear, but this time he warned. Before the angel could put his words into action, Dean laid a hand on his arm. 'Hey, stay?' He asked, hopeful, gaze alternatively resting on his friend and the road. 'Keep me company for a while.' As the words slid out of his lips, he was aware of how strange they sounded. He valued his time alone but Castiel and Sam were of the only ones who rarely ended up being obnoxious, and for once he didn't feel like being on his own. He knew his thoughts would be grinding, swarming through the guilt of his past and current actions, if he didn't have something, someone to take them off it. The angel looked dubious, so Dean insisted. 

'Come on, man, humor me. I'm gonna spend the day in my car.' Castiel nodded and the corner of his lips turned ever so slightly upwards. 'What did you tell Sam?' he prompted.

'That I'd go looking for you. Nevertheless I must tell you, I'll be honest with Sam when I get back to the motel.' Dean accepted that and stayed silent. It wasn't like his brother would have the possibility to stop him, now.

'How are you doing, Dean?'

The hunter shrugged. 'M'okay,' he mumbled. The look on his friend's face conveyed that he obviously wasn't buying it. Dean decided to explain. 'I mean it, I'm okay. I'm, y'know. I guess I just feel bad 'bout Benny. I mean, about going to help Benny. Well, more about lying to Sam because I don't feel guilty about helping Benny, he saved me, and you, and I really don't see why Sam doesn't get that. The kid doesn't know jack squat, really, and I hope you're not here to give me a big speech about –' 

'I don't want to sermon you,' Castiel interrupted. 'I understand why you're doing this, as well as I understand your brother's reservations.' Dean released the steering wheel from the fierce grip it had endured during the man's rant. 

'Sorry,' he uttered with a sigh. 'I hate fighting with him, you know, but I couldn't let Benny down.'

The other hummed. 'Maybe Sam was more hurt about the way he found out than about the discovery itself,' the angel suggested. 

'Man, I know I should've been the one to tell him.'

'But you wouldn't have.'

There was a pause. 'Probably not,' Dean admitted, mindlessly rubbing his hand against his forehead. 

'What about you? How're you?' the hunter pried. 

'Good.' Castiel stretched to massage his shoulderblades. 'I haven't obtained any new information about Naomi.' 

The man sighed. Cas knew perfectly well it wasn't what he'd asked, but he let it pass. 'It's fine, we got time. Your back isn't doing better since last time?' The angel furiously shook his head. 'I'll find you a masseuse in Illinois, you'll love it.' Dean thought he saw his friend's eyes widen; the reaction made him laugh. 'Don't look so frightened, it's just a chick,' he grinned. 

They talked for a few minutes, about Purgatory, when the topic drifted to Dean's sleep – the question was awkward, but the man indulged because hey, it was Cas. 

'Are the nightmares fewer, now?' he pried, his unfaltering gaze unsettling. Dean's eyes flickered out the window.

'Not really,' he admitted. Flashes of his first night there, of the monsters he'd tortured came crashing behind his eyes. He shifted uncomfortably. 'Nothing much I can do about it, though,' he despaired. He noticed Castiel in the corner of his sight, opening his mouth as if to speak, narrowing his piercing eyes but no sentence followed. He didn't press. 

When the conversation ran its course, Castiel laid an almost apologetic gaze on his friend. 

'I should get back to Sam.'

Dean breathed in deeply, and nodded. 'See ya, then,' he said.

'Good luck,' Castiel replied and disappeared. Dean arched his back, rolled his shoulders, and got ready for a long ride. And fuck, he was still hungry.

 

When the angel appeared in the room, Sam was sat at the table, a beer in his hand. He stood up, knocking the chair over and leaned his weight on his fist.

'Where have you been? Did you find him?' The man slurred.

'I did, I was in his car,' he replied cautiously, sensing the built-up tension in the man.

'For an hour?' Sam was obviously trying to stay calm, but when he thumped his knuckles on the wood Castiel stepped back, even though he had no real reason to. 

'Yes. He's going to Washington.'

'And you didn't try to stop him?' Anger was boiling in the hunter's drunken veins. He dropped the bottle on the table and grunted. The angel shook his head in answer. 'What did you want me to do? Crash the car?' he suggested, voice rising to meet the tone of his friend.

'Force him to change his mind?! You're a fucking angel, for God's sake, aren't you supposed to be on my side? Since when do you tolerate saving vampires?'

'I do not, Sam,' he objected, voice rising as well, 'I am on neither side. Dean is right when he says Benny helped, and so are you when you claim he isn't innocent. I am a neutral party in this situation.'

'Bullshit!' the other exclaimed, looking around. His scowl deepened and he shot his neck around back to Cas. 'That why you brought him his weapons? For neutrality?'

'I brought him his weapons because even if his actions are disputable, I don't want to see him die. Do you?' he added, emphasizing his reproachful tone. He'd never seen his friend in such a state of despair and anger. As he watched his friend redress the chair and sit back down, he came closer. 'I hear why you're mad, I do, but try to understand my actions too.'

Sam sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'You don't get it. It's not only that, it's...are you guys really that oblivious?' The man's voice was slightly high-pitched, incredulous. Castiel tilted his head in confusion.

'Forget it,' he mumbled, waving his hand around. When he spoke again, some of the rage had faded. 'But come on, you've got to admit that, no matter the arguments, you can say whatever you want, you're always on Dean's side. And I don't really mind, but when the situation should turn things around, and I see it doesn't? Man, I feel hopeless.' 

That raised an eyebrow out of Castiel. He realized he couldn't deny, if he was honest with himself, and with Sam. Lowering his eyes, he decided to stay silent in acknowledgment. 

'You lied to me, too,' Sam simply said, his voice showing more hurt than anger. 'When I asked you how you got out, months ago, you lied to cover Dean.' 

'I'm sorry, Sam,' he apologized, genuine. He hadn't forgotten, either. 

'Yeah but Cas, what the hell am I supposed to do if I can't trust the only two people I know?' he queried, looking up with a sigh. The angel had no answer to that. He rolled his shoulders, a loud cracking sound echoing in his body. He winced slightly, mindlessly gripping his back to release some of the pain. When Sam went to lie down on his bed, Cas flew away.

* * *

'You took your time,' Benny grumbled, voice hoarse, when Dean stepped out of his car. He shook his head, the corner of his lips turning up slightly.

'I was held back,. You don't get to complain, though, I'm helpin' you,' he stated, eyebrows raising as if to emphasize how he could very well not have come. He pulled his duffel bag out of the backseat and laid it on top of the trunk. He unzipped it and threw a couple of machetes to Benny, who caught them with ease. 

'Did you find out anything about the nest?' he inquired, and approved with a tilt of his chin when Benny nodded. 

'There's an old farm right outta town, owners are either dead or about to be. Don't know how many there are, though,' he added with a sigh. 'But that Marker probably surrounded himself, he knows I'm looking for him since I killed two of them last night and a couple of others before.'

'If he bit a bunch of kids recently, they'll be like, vampire newbies. Not experienced,' Dean shrugged.

'Sure, but they'll be hungry.'

'Not a problem,' the man asserted, grabbing his bag and heading towards the motel where his friend was staying. It was almost nightfall, since Dean had stopped on his way for a couple of hours of sleep. The two of them spent the evening planning out how they would function, until they drove to the location. It was deep in the woods, built on a small clearing. The walls were almost crumbling, the faded red paint falling into pieces. Dean spotted a smaller shelter in the farther corner of the place; he hoped in the back of his mind the vampires would all be gathered in the actual farm. When it was dark enough that Dean couldn't see more than a few feet away, they stepped forward, silently, almost crouching until their knees were on the wet grass. In what felt like an eternity, their backs were on the wall of the wooden building. Dean tilted his head back, closed his eyes for a second and inhaled slowly. He glanced at Benny who nodded, blades in his hands. The hunter gripped his fingers tight around his own weapons and pushed the door open with his foot. There was no screeching, something for which Dean was thankful. He heard no movement, no voice. After a few seconds, he popped his head through the ajar door and spotted most of them sleeping. They didn't seem that many and for a moment Dean was reassured. He gestured to Benny to move closer. 

'See your Marker?' he murmured, his voice barely audible.

His shoulders sagged when Benny shook his head. 

'We go quietly, on one, two...' Dean mouthed and slid through the door, eyes darting to the corners of the room to spot any of them who could be lurking in the dark. Benny followed him close. The man was surprised none of them had sensed him here, but the thought was discarded when he approached one of them and pushed the machete in his neck so deep and quickly there was only time for a gargle to come out of the vampire's throat. In the same movement he stabbed the closest one with a corpse's blood, paralyzing him. Benny had had the time to kill only one before every single vampire was on their feet, dazedly lunging towards the aggressors. Dean avoided his face being clawed out as he ducked and slashed his blade through the vampire's knees. 

Three others threw themselves at him – as he'd thought, they were young and inexperienced. He used that as an asset, trying his best to be unpredictable in his moves. He couldn't back away fast enough to escape one's grasp, and he felt the claws dig in his flesh. He hissed but pulled away, eyes glancing to Benny, who thankfully seemed to be handling it so far. He knew he wasn't killing the Marker at the moment and frowned when he didn't spot any older or more confident vampire in the lot. There were two left, who Dean decapitated with such ease it almost disturbed him. He looked down at the corpses, vaguely registering the last scream caused by Benny. He grunted, blinking hard.

'Well that wasn't half as bad as I had expected,' he admitted.

'The Marker wasn't here,' Benny stated, his posture radiating worry and anticipation. 'He has to be here, he hasn't moved since I found the nest.'

That got Dean alert again. 'Maybe he left to protect himself,' the hunter suggested although he knew there was no way a Marker was this cowardly. Benny shrugged, then gestured to Dean to keep silent. He paced slowly, cautiously, towards the door of the warehouse. Dean noticed him tilting his head as if to gain a clearer hearing before two dozens of backups barged into the farm, almost howling as they lunged at the two, teeth bared. Dean's blood drained from his face as he spotted the Marker, slashing at Benny who was fighting off each of them but was unsuccessful in injuring mortally. The Marker wasn't really smiling, it was a twisted grimace, satisfaction and amusement clear on his expression. He glanced at Dean as he winded up for another blow, and the hunter only had time to stab one of the vampires with a syringe, making the monster fall to the floor. He was surrounded, even with a increased strength due to the adrenaline rushing through his body, and as he saw a pair of claws reaching for his throat, there was only one name he could shout.

* * *

Cas shuddered, eyes widening. The loud cry wracked his body, the voice was strangled and pained, desperate. It took him less than a second to stand and fly towards the call. 

He found himself in an office, fists landing on a desk where there should have been a vampire. He looked around, panic coursing through him. No. Dean. He tried to fly away; he couldn't.

'Castiel, I thought it was time I spoke to you,' the redhead explained calmly, her voice soft and peaceful. 'I'm Naomi,' she added, and inhaled before continuing her speech. Castiel wasn't in the mood.

'I don't have time,' he stated, aiming for threatening but the slight tremble in his voice gave him away.

'I know you don't,' she smiled. 'Yet we do need to have this conversation. Don't you want to know how you left Purgatory?'

Cas kept a stern expression even though he was infinitesimally relieved to know he hadn't been wrong saying he shouldn't have gotten out. 'I don't care,' he hissed. 

'Would it reassure you if I told you the time here goes faster than on Earth?' 

Time was still passing on Earth, though. Castiel was far from reassured and his anger grew with his worry. He slammed his fist on the table, silent, knowing he wouldn't leave until she was finished speaking.

'Tell me what is so important,' he said through gritted teeth. She seemed taken off guard by his sudden surrender.

'We're not the evil ones, Castiel. I saved you, I'm the one who pulled you out of Purgatory, to help you. Now I need you to come to Heaven.' Castiel shook his head. 'You have to,' she insisted, her tone harsher than it was a second ago. 

'I won't,' he replied, voice strained, a mix of emotions overwhelming him. 

'You'd rather stay with your two protegees than your own kind?' she chuckled incredulously, and there was no humor in it. 

The angel pursed his lips at her despising tone. 'I have no reason to go back to Heaven,' Castiel spat out. 'The Winchesters are – they're my friends more than any of you have been in a long time.' Guilt rose in his stomach, knowing he was the reason for this rejection. He was switching the roles and hated himself for it. Naomi was speechless, mouth hanging open, and she obviously was very aware of Castiel's twist of the story. 

'Don't pretend you don't know why you were our enemy, Castiel. You murdered –'

'I know what I did!' Cas interjected, shouting, the hair at the back of his head rising with shame and wrath. 'I won't go to Heaven, I won't follow you. I am choosing the Winchesters, I always will, so don't bother insisting,' he advocated, standing straight, his silver blade slipping from his trenchcoat. He gripped it tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. Naomi's face was a resigned grimace, and she nodded curtly.

The loud wails of the vampires pierced through Cas' dizziness. Instinctively, he shoved his blade through the ribs of one of them, head snapping to every corner, trying to find him. He grunted when a blunt internal pain erupted from his back, but he shook it of as five vampires reached toward him, Castiel flattened his palm on two of their foreheads and light shone through their eyes and mouth as they fell to their knees. The angel took care of the vampires with speed and tremendous strength, until he could finally spot Dean and Benny. The latter seemed tired but handled the small groups of attackers well enough. The man, on the other hand was stumbling, weak and pale, one hand clutching his neck. He caught Castiel's eyes with his and whined with relief, letting his guard down for barely a second. Yet it was enough time for two of the vampires to rip his side open. Dean screamed, dropping his blade, as his vision blurred. Cas had extended his hand, eyes shining blue with grace, and a shock wave threw the vampires to the end of the room, their eyes melted in their skulls. Castiel rushed to Dean, who hung on to his coat so hard it could almost rip. Benny's growl sounded off in the farm, catching Cas' attention for less than a second as he saw him thrust a blade in an older vampire who could only be the Marker. The angel took his gaze off him when he heard a wail from beneath him. Dean was supporting himself on Cas, head leaning on his shoulder, a position that the angel used to wrap both of his hands on the gashing wounds, bleeding and ripping larger with every breath Dean took. The man whined as warmth spread through his limbs. Castiel dragged his hand along the claw marks across Dean's torso, feeling the man's pain course through him as he healed him. In a minute it was done, Dean breathing heavily in the crook of Castiel's neck, fingers still gripping the fabric tight. 

The angel laid his hand on the hunter's shoulder through his jacket, pressing his fingers soothingly, but took it back when Dean whimpered. He thought he felt him shake his head, mumbling unintelligibly, but he ignored it and slipped his left arm underneath Dean's to support his weight. He walked them both in Benny's direction. The vampire was leaning against a wall, eyes fixed on the corpse of his Marker. He turned his eyes on them, satisfied but clearly exhausted. 

'Thanks for the help, angel,' Benny said with a tilt of his chin, as a small reverence, looking fondly at his unconscious friend. 'Tell him I thank him, too.' 

Castiel nodded. 'I trust you can take care of the mess?' he asked, without really planning on helping anyway. Benny acquiesced, and that was all Cas needed to leave. The angel didn't bring him to the motel at first, unsure of Sam's reaction. He chose to stay in another motel a few miles down the road. After settling Dean on the bed, he left to the grocery store. When he came back, he sat by Dean's feet and didn't leave the man's side.

Dean woke up the next morning, his whole head close to exploding. The feeling was similar to the one he'd gotten after leaving Purgatory, a memory he didn't wish to think of at the moment. He was laying on his side, unfamiliar covers wrapped around him. He cracked an eye open, grateful for the closed blinds he spotted. There was apple pie on his bedside table, with a plastic fork and water. He smiled to himself, stretching his arm to reach for it. It felt like every articulation in his body cracked, and the sensation made him groan with satisfaction. At least one thing that felt good at that moment. He sat up slowly, his mind still processing the previous night. As he took his first bite, he felt like his tonsils were hypersensitive, like this was the best food he'd ever eaten. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back, and searched blindly for the small bottle. He knocked it over, though, and snapped his eyelids open when he didn't hear it touch the ground. 

Castiel was leaning forward, the bottle in his hand. Dean sighed heavily and a broad smile extended his lips.

'Hello, Dean,' he said with a small grin.

'Hey, Cas,' he replied just as casually as the angel handed him the water. He took it, tilting his head in confusion. 'What's that for?' he asked, lifting the pie. 'Where are we?'

'I thought you might be hungry after last night. Benny's alive and well, and I didn't bring you to your brother because I wasn't sure how he'd take you being ripped open,' he explained in one breath, his voice straining at the last words. He grasped his shoulder harshly, pressing his fingers hard, an effort that gave him a few seconds of comfort before the pain in his back stung again.

'Cas, are you – '

'I'm fine, Dean. Don't worry,' he reassured, but the tension in his posture didn't quite support his statement. The hunter frowned.

'Thanks,' he added after a pause, 'for the breakfast and for, you know, saving my ass for the hundredth time. And Benny's.' There was fondness in his voice, and Castiel laid his hand on the side of the man's shoulder, because of course the angel had saved Dean, it was natural, normal. 

Dean tensed up immediately, lips parting, as he readjusted himself on the bed, never quite able to find the position he was looking for. He felt a buzz spread through his limbs that made him curl his toes and blush crimson. Castiel didn't remove his fingers, though, he simply stared with confused curiosity, as Dean squirmed on the best, his heart hammering in his chest. The man fisted his hand in the sheets.

'Cas,' he breathed out, lost in a mix of feelings, where the angel was simply perplexed; at least it was all his expression let show. He took his hand away, making Dean whimper like he had in the farm. The sound stopped Cas in his tracks, their eyes still locked, until the angel broke his gaze away. 

'Finish eating and we'll go back to Sam,' he informed, standing up and going to stand farther in the room. Dean's eyes followed his every step, confusion obvious on his features, but he did as he was told. He threw the empty bottle in the bin and took his place by Cas' side. The angel flattened his hand on his shoulder

'Did you pay for the motel?' After a pause, he added, 'We are not paying? Cas, are you going dark side?' Dean lectured mockingly, earning a chuckle from the other. He felt him wriggle at his side, so he looked sideways and observed the angel as he rolled his shoulders and craned his neck. It would have been an amusing sight if it weren't for the pained sounds escaping Castiel's throat. Dean frowned, hand instinctively reaching to touch Cas' back. 

'I'm fine, it's fine,' he assured with a tremble in his voice. The man wasn't exactly confident in the angel's ability to fly at the moment, but he didn't speak his mind. 'You better prepare a good apology speech, I think your brother's worry has made him angry,' Cas recommended as he forced himself to stand up straight.

Sam spun around, inhaling sharply. Dean walked towards him, hands spread out as if to domesticate a wild animal. Sam looked him up and down with a relieved sigh.

'Thought you'd die over there,' he breathed out, shaking his head. Dean judged it was better to leave out some of the events. He gestured to his own body as if to emphasize he was whole.

'You're still an asshole, Dean. I'm still mad at you for going behind my back,' Sam reminded, running a hand through his hair.

Dean's shoulder sagged, the sassy attitude leaving him. 'I'm sorry, Sammy,' he replied genuinely. He wasn't about to say he'd had his reasons; he definitely didn't want to reopen the debate. They both sighed, standing silently, until Sam looked past Dean, a frown on his face. The man followed his gaze towards Cas. The angel was leaning on the table, breathing heavily, his back curling in angles that made both men cringe.

'The hell?' Dean mumbled, just as Castiel fell to his knees, hands turning to fists in his hair, knocking chairs over. He screamed, his vessel's voice gradually stifled by his true one, piercing and sharp. The brothers backed away as light erupted from the angel, along with inhumane sounds that made every hair on Dean's body rise. It seemed to last an eternity, until Cas' pained cry faded and the room went silent again. 

Hesitant, Sam and Dean opened their eyes, looking over to where Castiel's body was laying. They exchanged an incredulous glance, mouths hanging open, their gaze inevitably going back to the unconscious angel.

Yep, those were definitely wings.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, first chapter of a fic I wrote a while ago. Hope you enjoy. I have a few chapters ready, i might post once every three weeks for kind of even publishing, but i have exams coming up so i won't have much time to keep writing until summer... I reread it time and time again, but since it isn't beta'd if you see anything wrong, please let me know!


End file.
